clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Post-Harbaugh/Schwartz Handshake Tiff: A Coach Deathmatch Power Ranking

Who would you put your money on in a deathmatch?
Who would you put your money on in a deathmatch?

I really wish I had been there in Washington, DC to have been part of the conversation at the SB Nation headquarters. While discussing the postgame incident on Sunday between San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and Detroit Lions coach Jim Schwartz, the idea of a deathmatch between all the NFL head coaches came up and they decided to rank them from worst to first as most like to survive in a no-holds-barred fight to the death.

I found it extremely entertaining. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

These are a few of my favorites:

30. Pete Carroll - "Hey come on fellas. FELLAS. Why are we fighting, huh? How 'bout we all just kick back and laugh a little, huh? Did you ever think about that? We don't laugh enough in this league. Life's supposed to be fun, isn't it?"

[/winks at Jack Del Rio]

[/gets body-slammed by Jim Harbaugh]

23. Todd Haley - He'd be much higher if everyone didn't hate him so much. In a deathmatch, it seems like about 15 different people would seek out Haley before anyone else.

11. Steve Spagnuolo - Gotta think he'd murder Pete Carroll first.

3. Mike Tomlin - Could kill more than half this list just by staring at them.

2. Jack Del Rio - Nothin' scarier than the guy with nothin' to lose, but that goes double if said guy once earned the nickname "Jack The Axe" when he brought an axe and tree stump into an NFL locker room to prove a point to his team. That motherf-er will crack some heads.

1. Bill Belichick - Oh man. He's an angry elf, isn't he?

The Todd Haley description kills me. We all love him because of what he achieved as OC, but man he must be a total a-hole. All you ever hear about him is how he was down on a guy or bagged a guy and that motivated him to be better.

Ken Whisenhunt was rated decently -- right in the middle at 16. I'd have to think that he'd be higher up. The article even says as much if it weren't for his calm demeanor.

16. Ken Whisenhunt - Ooo... Former journeyman blocking tight end--that's three different synonyms for blue collar, people. If he had Todd Haley's demeanor, he might be top five on this list.

I think it is safe to say that Whiz is a pretty tough dude with quiet intensity. I wouldn't bet against him. I don't like that he is rated only above Pete Carroll.

Bill Belichick? He only wins in the end because he cheats.

Any thoughts?