If you 're like most men and a few women - Mother's Day has a way of creeping up on you despite the constant pounding of Hallmark commercials and store advertisements that have been screaming candy, flowers and vacuum cleaners the last few days.
And now it's arrived and yet once again, you're unprepared to give your mum, wife or girlfriend the appropriate present that best represents your feelings towards her. But fear not, ROTB readers - I found some Arizona Cardinals online gifts - that if you can persuade the better half that's the check is in the mail - you can pull this off easier than a Manti Te'o fraud. (And isn't that what all mothers really need - false security from a loved one?)
First up, an Arizona Cardinals emergency road service kit.
First, like the company promo: "During a roadside emergency, lighten the mood with your team's logo."
Then, the editorial: "Some things are really worse than your team losing 58-0, like needing a jump in the parking lot after watching your team lose a game 58-0."
Really? That game was road kill for the Cards, no roadside assistance was going to help.
How about a tape measure for the DIY mom? Well, glad you asked cuz this site has a 25 footer for "only" $19.99.
But if you want to get it in the alternate "black tape" - that will cost you an extra 2 dollars. The company, like the NFL, which stands for "New Fee Leverage" wouldn't have it any other way.
Nothing says "Mom" like food and relaxing in a hot tub. Therefore, how could you pass( though it would be a check-down) on a $248 Matt Leinart jersey?
You get "noodles" and USC hotties bathing with Leinart.
Two raps across the knuckles from most mothers if you do, though.
Your madre has big balls? This handy $29.99 bowling bag holder will do the job..
Great gift for the person with 2 balls trying to hit the split. (Sorry, if my mind is in the gutter. Gutter, get it? Never mind.)
But you say - car accessories, hardware products, draft bust jerseys and bowling ball bags are all passe, old school items when you need something hip and relevant for the new generation.
With that in mind, I'm recommending the Arizona Cardinalsfeather hair clip:
It's contemporary, fashionable and Tyrann Mathieu bought a few cases for his mother, with leftovers delegated to him.
You never know when you'll need a clip to hold back the short bleached hair, that's hidden beneath a helmet. Go figure.
So, there's a few last second ideas for Arizona Cardinals' fans for their mothers or for mothers that are Arizona Cardinals fans.
For my mom - an unabashed Cardinals lover and chain smoker during games:
You're getting my Kevin Kolb jersey, a carton of cigarettes and a phone call -
but only if you accept the operator prompt when it says "collect".
Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.